I took my wife's last name when we got married. It shouldn't be a taboo for men.
Before I got married, I had the same first and last name as a celebrity.
When I got married, instead of my wife taking my name or hyphenating, I changed my name.
The change allowed me to carve out my own identity and has been great for me.
There are few things that you can control in early life and your name isn't one of them. Yes, you can change your name to anything imaginable at the age of 18 in the US, except there are always complications: who does it affect? Will this upset my parents or loved ones? What about my career? I addressed this pitfall when marrying my wife a few years back, ultimately deciding to take her last name.
It may be the year 2024, however, it continues to be rare for a man to take a woman's name. In a Pew survey from 2023, almost 80% of women in heterosexual marriages took their spouse's last name, but only 5% of men made that same choice.
When I decided to make the change, it wasn't about trying to boast or propel myself as a super feminist (that would be a terrible superhero). It simply made sense for me. Contrary to the reasons many people keep their own name — preserving a family legacy — the reason I changed mine was partially about creating my own legacy, and carving out my own identity. This has done wonders for my mental health.
My first name was common, but it was my last name I wanted to change
Growing up, I recognized from a young age that Matthew is a common first name. It's a nice one, and I never considered changing it, even though it wasn't very original. After all, you probably know a Matthew. I know about six. At one time, I worked in a team that consisted of four Matthews. It irked me, even if it shouldn't. Everyone was lovely, but still, it felt like a small bit of my identity was taken away whenever I was around the other three Matthews.
My last name was a little less common, and a title I grasped onto for dear life when leaving school and venturing into the real world. The problem is, one celebrity had already cemented their status with my full name — both first and last. One Google search, and I was lost to the deepest reaches of the web. Furthermore, in recent years a young cricketer who also has the same name has come onto the scene, pushing me further down the pecking order.
I was happy to take my wife's last name when we married
On the other hand, my partner's name is one of the many reasons I fell in love with them. It's original and flows well together, and I hated the notion of ruining that, should they take my last name. This is why hyphenating when we got married never felt right, either. The idea of the child having to play favorites when they arrived at marriage or continuously add to a hyphenated last name so it ends up looking like a law firm equally put us off.
If and when kids do come into the conversation, it'll be nice as a family to all have one name, at least until our child changes their name when they get married, if they decide to do so. Or they might just experience an identity crisis too, who knows!
Naturally, my parents were a little taken aback by the idea at first but eventually came on board when they understood the circumstances. And I didn't want to eradicate my family history, so instead chose to move my last name to my middle name, a choice that honored my past while still allowed me to open up exciting possibilities about my future.
At the end of the day, it's not a big deal. It's what felt right for us. A name shouldn't define you. It's what you do that does. And yet having that little bit of extra individuality has done more for me than years of therapy could.
Read the original article on Business Insider
