Checking In
Her Mother Could Be on the Mt. Rushmore of Bitches
Thu Jun 5, 2:00 AM ET
DEAR MARGO: I grew up the daughter of an abusive alcoholic father and an emotionally absent mother. Though it wasn't easy, my father and I have reconciled and have a great relationship. My mother, on the other hand, is a miserable, bitter woman. When I was 16, I was raped and it resulted in a pregnancy. My mother forced me to carry it to term because she said I was a slut for getting pregnant, but I ultimately gave the baby up. At 18, I moved out of the house, went to college and later became a nurse. Eventually I married and had a child. After a few years, we divorced. Recently, I began dating again, and I reluctantly took the man I have been dating for six months -- I'll call him Jason --to meet my mother and her husband. We'd just sat down to dinner when my mother turned to Jason and said she hopes he doesn't plan to have children with me because I abandoned one! I was mortified and he didn't know what to say. Needless to say, we left immediately. I haven't spoken to my mother since. My sisters say I'm overreacting. I disagree. I think it was completely out of line. Jason has stood by me through this. He thinks my mother is crazy. This was the last straw for me. Am I wrong to feel this way?
--- SPEECHLESS
DEAR SPEECH: I'm with Jason. And I'll tell you who else you can live without besides Mommie Dearest: your sisters. If they think you were overreacting to a move like that, I'd like to know what they would find worthy of getting up and walking out. Your mother clearly qualifies for what Franco Zeffirelli called "the Scorpioni." As you have figured out, she is a "miserable and bitter" woman, so spare yourself further attacks.
--- MARGO, DUMBFOUNDEDLY
When News About Your Underpants Is Not Helpful
DEAR MARGO: My boyfriend and I were hoping you could settle an etiquette dispute. Last summer we were having lunch outside in a large courtyard where many other office workers congregate. A gentleman came up and informed me that my pants were hanging low in the back and my underwear was showing. He was polite, but very direct for a stranger. My boyfriend thought he was protecting my "public dignity" by informing me of this. While I understood his good intentions, I felt humiliated. What if my lunch partner had not been my boyfriend, but a first date? What if he had been a business colleague? Was this appropriate to say to a stranger having lunch with someone? I also felt he would not have been so bold as to say this to me were it not for my being a female in my mid-20s. My boyfriend and I still disagree about whether this was proper etiquette from a stranger. Your input would settle the dispute should it happen again this summer!
--- BOUGHT NEW PANTS IN PORTLAND
DEAR BOUGHT: What comes immediately to mind is the response of a famous Broadway dancer when a stranger approached her after opening night with a few suggestions: "Who asked you?" I'm in your corner that the "helpful stranger" was ill advised to approach you and incorrectly made you feel uncomfortable about something you could not remedy at that moment. What did he expect you to do -- tuck your napkin back there? Immediately go buy a new pair of slacks? As for your boyfriend's idea of your "public dignity," that is pretty much a non-starter. You were seated, eating lunch, after all, and not doing a Monica Lewinsky flashing your thong.
--- MARGO, REASONABLY
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.
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Copyright © 2008 Margo Howard