This is my third Mother's Day since divorce. I get no surprises or days off, but time with my son is everything I want.
I've been divorced for three years and Mother's Day looks different now.
I don't get a break from parenting nor do I get surprises.
Still, I cherish time with my son over any present.
When I was married, Mother's Day was a much-needed break from parenting responsibilities. I slept in and decided how to spend the day, including coffee in bed, a late brunch, and a small token from my son. I still cherish the mug he gave me on my last pre-divorce Mother's Day. It says, "Mom is the heart of our family." In a lot of ways, that hasn't changed. I'm still the heart of our family unit — that unit has just become smaller.
But I'd be lying if I said that celebrating Mother's Day as a single mom hasn't been a difficult, and sometimes lonely, transition.
"Expect there to be some hard moments during the day, and rather than try to push them down when they come up, just bring your presence to these feelings and experiences as they pop up," Carl Nassar, a therapist specializing in emotional and mental well-being, told Business Insider. "After all, you deserve compassion on this day most of all, and it's a wonderful gift to yourself on Mother's Day."
This year will be my third time celebrating the holiday as a single mom. Though it's a day that nostalgia can easily take over, I've learned not to let feelings of loss run the show. Instead, I cherish Mother's Day as a single mom.
I'll take time with my son over gifts any day
While I used to indulge my introversion during Mother's Day, sometimes heading out for hours to hike the Appalachian trail, all I care about now is the extra moments with my child. I share custody of my son with his father, which means I don't get to see him every day. But our divorce agreement states that each parent gets to spend Mother's or Father's Day with our child, respectively. For me, Mother's Day is a bonus weekend of precious moments with my son. And I want to maximize that time as much as possible.
The key to truly enjoying ourselves in the moment is to slow down, Nassar told BI. In other words, plan a few activities, but don't overdo it, he said. "That way, you'll have time to lean into your time at the park and joke around and play, and if you spontaneously decide to stop for ice cream on the way home, there's time for that too," Nassar said. That's why I prefer leaving Mother's Day fairly open.
So what if I have to pay for my own brunch?
These days, the weekends are less about relaxing than fitting it all in. Errands, practice, obligations, and all the other things on our to-do lists leave little time for connection. On Mother's Day, we lounge around in the morning, get ready slowly, and head to a late brunch — one of the things I've always loved the most about the holiday.
Nassar said spending the day with others can help make Mother's Day as a single mom easier. "Choose someone you feel comfortable being genuine and vulnerable with, and share your feelings — the good and the bad — so you're not alone in all you're going through on this Mother's Day." When you're feeling down, there's nothing like a true connection with others to turn things around.
I've continued my brunch tradition but with a twist. Instead of going it alone, I decided to widen my circle. Last year, I invited two of my neighbors, both widowed, to join me and my son for brunch. We enjoyed each other's company, and the meal was genuinely joyous. The best part? The last thing on any of our minds was being alone.
Read the original article on Business Insider
